(Seriously, I mean it. I have never in my blogging life hesitated this much before hitting publish on a post. If you are related to us or perhaps teach one of my children, please don’t read this. It will save both of us a great deal of embarrassment, but then again, so would not posting this at all. Oops. Too late.)
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The following conversation may or may not have taken place somewhere in Oklahoma at 1:30am Saturday morning.
Him: Oooooh. I really need a blow job. Or a hand job.
Her (with no sympathy or interest whatsoever): That’s unfortunate.
Him: I guess I’ll just have to go downstairs and get some peanut butter—
Her: Let the dogs in. You don’t want the cats going after that.
Him: Oh I was. I was going to let Sugar in.
Her: Well I know you don’t want Hank, he’s too hyper. But Sugar is too dainty. She’ll take a small lick then run away. You’d be better off letting Carter go after it.
Him: I’m not gay! I wouldn’t do that to Carter!
Her: You’re not gay but you’re open to beastiality?
Him: I said I’m not gay. It’s straight beastiality all the way for me.
Her: I totally want to post this on my website, but it’s not really the place for it.
Him: It’s the internet. There are videos of two girls taking turns pooping in a cup and eating it and you say this conversation is bad?
Her: Oh no! I said I want to post it, but I’d probably lose half my readers….
Is your laptop in here?
Him: Yes, why?
Her: Because I need to transcribe this conversation before I forget it.
Him (with exasperation as he hands her the laptop): It’s pretty sad that you would rather transcribe this conversation to post on the internet than actually give me a blow job…
Her (distracted): What was that?
Him: Nothing.
Popularity: 21% [?]
ROTFL. totally inappropriate but funny so we let it slide.
I started laughing and my hubby says “What?” so I tell him, blowjobs are like flowers for men. He lifts an eyebrow, grins at me and I can tell what we’re both thinking. I’m thinking “When’s the last time I got flowers?” and he’s thinking “Shit, I better get some flowers”
Mikeys last blog post..This is Cactus Country
You are hilarious! I can’t stop laughing!
As so many of my family reads my blog…I’m always a little worried about how personal to get….although I admit I am never as personal as you are today :-
have a good rest of the weekend!
Morahmommys last blog post..Dear Friends
ROTFLMAO!!! You are brave! My parents read my blog - I could never go there!
“blow jobs are like flowers for men” - LOL!! I can’t remember the last time I got flowers from my husband!
In an unrelated note, I FINALLY posted that meme you tagged me with over a month ago!
Smooth or crunchy?
Thanks for a big laugh to start my Sunday!
Corgimoms last blog post..Just beauty
That’s precisely the reason I created a separate blog for my “darker” (read hornier) side. Heh…
And that marriage license is your get out of jail free card for blow jobs. Didn’t you get the memo?
Kriss last blog post..Feed Me, Seymour!
“Her (with no sympathy or interest whatsoever): That’s unfortunate.”
LOL yep.
And darn it, my husband brings me flowers all the time. . .
threeundertwos last blog post..Striking the Set
Bwahahahaha!!! Oh my, that’s too funny! You are WAY braver than I am!
BTW, Tyler’s been in regular underwear since January…he just poops in it. Yeah, no pull ups here (and sometimes that’s QUITE unfortunate for all involved…).
Judys last blog post..Hold Your Ears, Mother
Mikey, I know, seriously inappropriate. And BTW, I can’t remember the last time I got flowers.
Morahsmommy, I don’t think any of my family has found my blog–at least they haven’t outed themselves if they have. But my inlaws ALL know about it and quite a few other acquaintances as well as one of my kids’ teachers. Yikes!
Christine, sometimes I really wish I was completely anonymous. I would go there a lot more often, if you know what I mean.
Corgimom, We only have crunchy.
Kris, I’ve heard that rumor. Husband disagrees with that statement. LOL
Threeundertwo, LUCKY!
Judy, Oh boy, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize when I left that comment that he was completely in underwear. Yikes. I wish I had some help for you. Hope that website you posted about will do the trick.
ewww. pooping in a cup? ick…why did you have to discuss that one??? shudder!!!
Except for the dogs, and cats, and pooping in a cup business, the rest of the conversation sounds familiar….”no interest whatsoever” “poor me…”
HAHAHAH! omg that was great. You just gained yourself a new reader!!!
Angelas last blog post..Mother of the Year
Holly, I really didn’t want to include the cup part but it was important to the overall story, I think. I know, gross.
Angela, Thanks! and Welcome to my home on the internet. (crap, now I have to live up to expectations set by this particular post.)
ROFLMAO! I love you for going there. Straight bestiality. He cracks me up!
jennielynns last blog post..Back Online
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day. lol. yay for inappropriate materials on a mom blog! i followed from the link exchange i saw on my page. well worth it. now for my tmi, i tell my dear husband i got married so i wouldn’t have to give blow-jobs anymore.
sometimes i just say i have lockjaw, it’s a running gag. lol. pardon the pun.
mrsbear0309s last blog post..Mystery Solved
LMAO, that last pict is damn funny. (maybe cause its true??)
Laughing…. and more LMAO!
jennyonthespots last blog post..6 random things.
Jennielynn, That was the point in the conversation when I decided I wanted to blog it.
MrsBear0309, Oh! Oh! Can I borrow that excuse?
Andrea, Isn’t that the truth. I think most men would choose a bj over most gifts anytime.
Jennyonthespot, That’s why I share!
You know there are certain things in life that are often warned against but ignored. Don’t stare at the horrible accident on the side of the road, don’t push the big red button, don’t drink 3 glasses of milk if you are pretty sure you’re lactose intolerant, your sister in law says don’t read this if you know us.
Yeah, I ignore those things a lot. I always regret it but the temptation is far to great. Well, just for pay back, I think I could win a blow job contest…if there was one…and I was willing to enter.
Yuck, yuck, and double yuck. but lol just the same.
That is freakin’ hilarious and I’m glad you shared!
Missys last blog post..Socks
OMG! I would never get away with posting that on my blog. That is too funny and your husband is a good sport for letting you post it.
Marlas last blog post..Sneaky Sneaky Busy Boy
Oops! Been around 4 and 5 year olds too long! I have picked up some of their habits of not listening to what I am told!
Maybe I’ll learn that in K? We’ll see…
(Did you actually think I would NOT read it?)
This post…. HILARIOUS!