People often ask us if we are finished having children. Usually the person asking is in the midst of their first exposure to a full-on assault of the energy explosion that is my children and so they ask with a bit of sarcasm, shock, or awe. I always answer–often before the question is fully formed and out of their mouths–with an emphatic “YES.”
“When you’re done you’re done. And you’ll know it.” Mrs. Flinger recently quoted Jelly Belly. Those women know what they are talking about.
We knew it when I was pregnant with our third. We thought about having a tubal ligation when we were pregnant with our second but my husband wasn’t so sure and we backed out as they prepped me in the triage room for my C-section.
When we were pregnant with our third, and approaching our due date, our oldest had just turned three and our second was nineteen months. I had been sleep deprived since I was pregnant with my firstborn. On top of all of that, I had never handled pregnancy well. I often said that had I not been a miserable only child, I would have stopped after my first. I just couldn’t do that to my son, I knew what it was like to have a lonely childhood.
I wasn’t one of those cute, glowing pregnant women. I was sick for the first four months and gaining too much weight and miserable for the last five. I was the woman who random strangers see out in public and ask, “Wow, when are you due? Any day now? You look like you are about to pop.” Then I would reply, “I’m only six months along.” To which they exclaimed, “Are you having twins!? You look miserable!”
Thank you random strangers. You really helped make my pregnancy experiences that much more pleasant.
My husband had wanted four kids. He came from a family of four siblings. I said at least two (after my first pregnancy, before that I thought I wanted four too. Crazy woman, I was.) We compromised at three. With an active outgoing preschooler and toddler in tow, our decision was much easier to follow through on this time. I had the tubal ligation after my third C-section. (All three of my children were delivered via C-section, but that’s a whole other story.)
As we drove home from the hospital with our third born, my husband turned to me and said, “This is it. NOW, our family feels complete.”
Now our children are six and half, five, and three and half years old. We’ve left behind bottles (my children refused breastfeeding AND my milk, another whole other story), cribs, pacifiers, diaper bags and diapers. We don’t have child proofing measures installed anymore–our youngest defeated them all a year ago. We gave away the double stroller last year.
There will be no more babies for us. No more toddlers. Now we have a soon to be first grader, kindergartener, and a preschooler. It feels good. And when we babysat our nephew and nieces last night and I sat holding a fussy seven month old, smelling that baby smell, and feeling that silky baby head, I knew I couldn’t do it again. I like where we are now. I look forward to where we are going.
When you’re done, you know it.
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I know exactly what you mean. In fact, I could have written all of this post. My youngest is almost seven and I haven’t once had that baby urge. My dh, on the other hand, has it every time he sees a pregnant woman. He knows we can have another baby when he’s the one that gets pregnant.
Imagine being the oldest of 8, and being asked When are your parents going to stop? We are now 12 in total! In the past few years we’ve added two husbands and a granddaughter to the family circle.
darci’s last blog post..Men: proceed with caution (you can participate)
Ain’t it the truth??? I was talking to my mom yesterday about health insurance and reminiscing about the awesome coverage we had when our first was born, and she asked the ever-popular question, “Are you going to have more?” I almost jumped through the phone and rinsed her mouth with soap! Perish the thought, woman! I’m almost 40, done with diapers, and I am not going back there again if I can help it!
Judy’s last blog post..Put It On A Stick And They’ll Eat ANYTHING
I honestly don’t know how you managed to survive with 3 kids and a ton of pets (just read your “about” page)! I can barely take care of the big baby that is myself and stay sane…
Vickie’s last blog post..Are You There, FSM? It’s Me, Vickie
I have two, which is twice as many as I ever thought I’d have. And I always laugh at the response when I say “Nope, this is it”.
“Oh… but don’t you miss the…”
Nope. We’re done.
“But you’re so young, maybe someday - ”
Nope. Not at all. Not even a doubt. I know in my bones that I’ve met all of my children. I’m done.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be rapists
I knew I was done after my second. That was all the space we had and all the day care that we could afford. And now, age 46 with a (gulp)13 year old and an about to turn 9 year old, the bottles and cribs and potties are long behind me.
But I work with babies and toddlers all day long. And I still sometimes wish I could have another…..
Library Lady’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen#26:They Can Share the Date With the REAL Superstar, Or:Happy Birthday, Dad!
I know what you mean. I have 4 boys and random strangers always say “Oh, four boys.” Thank you Captain Obvious, congrats on being able to count. Ok, I don’t always feel that cranky about it but sometimes. I always get asked if we are done (we are) and am met with “awwww, but you have to try for a girl.” But I don’t, and we aren’t. I still feel the baby urge, but I know I don’t really want to go back. I’m enjoying the oldest being in school & #2 in preschool. Anyway, this is your blog, not mine so I’ll shut up now
Rebecca’s last blog post..In Case You Wondered
Babies smell that way just to lure you into having another. If they smelled like baby poop and strained beans and baby puke, there’d never be a population growth again.
I’m one of those “miserable preggo’s” that you know about. The only time I could truly enjoy was the 15 minutes of when the baby started kicking, right before she jammed various body parts between my ribs and into my bladder.
I enjoyed taking a bath and watching the alien try to bust out of my stomach, rolling around in there, for all of 1/2 hour.
I remember when we found out we were pregnant with Bug, our 2nd (but 5th pregnancy). I was elated, but then suddenly remembered the sleepless nights and how horrible I felt even Kasia was born. In tears I told TJ, “Can’t we just reverse the process?” He said, “Sure, you get on top this time.” (Funny guy, that TJ. No wonder I had him fixed…twice.)
Yes, it’s a miracle of life. But the true miracle is how women continue to get pregnant over and over again. There’s no way, no how any other babies are coming into this house, unless they have a return shipping sticker on the outside of their carton.
Kris’s last blog post..A short fairy tale…
nothin’ left to say but AMEN, Sistah!
that girl’s last blog post..Discuss:
Amen to that! We are done after two and my husband got neutered (that’s MY word for it anyway) a month ago to make sure we don’t have any more. And I have no regrets. My boss showed me a picture of his newborn today and I was all, “Ahhhhh, he’s adorable” on the outside. Inside I was thinking, “Damn, I’m so glad I don’t have to do that again.”
Missy’s last blog post..A belated birthday post
I was finnished haveing children before I even had one.
mike golch’s last blog post..blogger strikes again.
we had one after lots of fertillity drugs. We kept trying for more, never happened. Guess we are meant to have one. I would have liked 2 or 3 though.
But this one is 11 and I still don’t think I’ve slept through a whole night two in a row (he sleepwalks pretty bad) I’ve been sleep deprived for 11 years, no wonder I’m insane.
I on the other hand, had a beautiful pregnancy. My blood pressure was down, I lost weight, I felt good, I didn’t crave junk food.
oh well….it works the way it’s supposed too. I just have lots of pets instead. lol
Burficas last blog post..Screw you and the horse you rode in on you effing city bastards!!!!
I’ve never wanted more than three, so I certainly hope that I don’t I feel done after this one.
You know, even though I wanted three, I don’t miss the baby stage with my older two. I’m happy to have them grow up. So much easier. I wanted three kids, not three babies. When this last one is done with diapers, I’ll be cheering.
raehans last blog post..Yes. I defended my cervix.
HELL to the NO.
this is my response when asked if we are having any more. I love my kids, but one more would push me right over the edge. Bug says that he wants a baby sister. I told him he’ll have to ask his next mommy. He didn’t think it was funny.
buffis last blog post..What happens when someone has a twisted mind and WAAAYY too much time on their hands
I can’t tell if we’re done or not. Amos is so great, it seems like another one just like him would be fantastic. Or not. Ack!
Also, you rock mightily for putting me on your prayer list. Thank you so much.
imaginary binkys last blog post..When bloggers come out to play
I meant I hope that I DO feel done.
raehans last blog post..Yes. I defended my cervix.
This made me laugh out loud. I too was the “horrible” pregnant woman. Sick from 5 a.m. till 1 p.m for 5 months. Hugging the toilet sick. The end result is worth it, but um, after 9 months of this… I’m entitled to be a bitch, lol
And people would say the same thing. You look awful. Gee thanks.
But I only have one and would consider myself blessed to have more and I’d do it all again. I’m not done!
Oh and OT - after your hubby’s comment on Tommy the Cat, I had to go download that song and rock out…. tell him thanks!
Mikeys last blog post..Shooting the video
Amen Sista! I love where I am at now too. It took me a little while to feel this way…but not as long as it probably should have.
Often times I feel bad for letting my daughter and her man be the parents to Rose. Meaning…I don’t do overnights much anymore, especially since they took possession of the crib and rocker. I’m not good when sleep deprived because the kids wanted to party on a work night.
Daytime is no problem though as long as they abide by time limits and don’t take advantage of the free child care.
I’m glad my husband and I decided not to have one together only because being a grandma reminded me how bad I was as a mother.
I liked watching my kids grow and explore and become their own person. My mother cried when they grew up…sad to see their childhood end. I was the one happy for them. Their future is theirs now…go, run…be happy!
DeeJays last blog post..Rose’s Studio Spot
Ahhh, I know what ya mean. It took awhile to find the “for sure spot”, but both my hubs and I are both in the same spot - I am grateful for that!
jennyonthespots last blog post..You’re a Good Mom (and your kids aren’t so bad either)
I got to you via BlogHer…
When we got pregnant with Yirmi (7 weeks old), we knew that if all went well with the pregnancy, it would be our last child. We got married right before I turned 35. I’d gone through infertility in my first marriage & had 3 children by IVF (a singleton & twins) so we started ttc right away. Our first was born 5 days before our first anniversary & our third (& last) shortly before our 4th - so we have 6 kids in the house, 3 of them 3 & under.
I think that as I get farther away from having a newborn, I’ll feel happier knowing I’m done. I remember how nice it was when my youngest ones were big enough to be home alone in the afternoon and I could walk across the living room without tripping on toys…
Rachel Inbars last blog post..17 trips to the mailbox…
I get asked all the time why I didn’t want more then one. It drives me crazy. I wanted 2 but couldn’t. So, I’m happy with my one. Dumb people.
krissys last blog post..
While I loved being pregnant, I agree that you know when you are done and I feel very lucky that I could get to that point ( I have friends who have one and wanted more and couldn’t for various reasons and it is hard on them). But I do like being asked as opposed to people who look at me and say something along the lines of, “Wow! Four kids! You must be done!”
Emmas last blog post..2:42 Meme
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