Selective hearing is an epidemic in my house. No one ever listens to me and then they wonder why mama goes postal on their asses.
For example, last week we were outside while my husband was moving all his crap to the garage and the storage barn. Most of this stuff is dangerous. I had told the kids not to ride their bikes and various vehicles on the driveway. I told them to stay over on the patio. What did they do? Why, they didn’t listen, of course.
“Girl, you need to get off that bike and go back over to the patio, please. It’s too dangerous over here.”
la la la la la la la LA la la la LA la la la la la LA LA
“GIRL, get off that bike and go back over to the patio.”
de de de de do dee dee do dee dee do dee dee
“GIRL, GET OFF THAT BIKE AND GO OVER TO THE PATIO, IT’S DANGEROUS OVER HERE.”
la de da de da de da la la la la la la LA de de de doooo
“GIRL!”
“What?”
“How many times have I told you to get off that bike?”
“Three.”
DUDE. THEY CAN HEAR ME. And yet, they do not respond. And then they wonder why mommy loses her ever-lovin’ mind? HELLO!
I was told this morning by my six and a half year old that I should use nicer words.
Uh.
Is he serious? I’m keeping track of three kids ages three and half, just turned five, and six and half and none of them EVER seem to hear me the first time I speak to them. It has reached the point that I have added a megaphone to my Amazon Wishlist. I ain’t kidding, go on, click the link, I’ll wait. . . Feel free to buy it for me and save my voice further abuse.
I’m not cut out for endless patience and soft spoken parenting. I don’t understand where that kind of patience comes from. How do you not lose it when you have said the same thing to the same kid thirty trillion times in a day? HOW?
If I didn’t listen to my mother the first time she spoke to me I paid for it. I lost whatever it was I was paying attention to instead of her, and she refused to repeat whatever it was she said. Furthermore, she had a way of looking at me and/or ignoring me for the rest of the day that absolutely made me feel like dirt. I can’t stand it when someone is mad at me and I learned to listen very quickly.
To be honest, I can’t do what she did with these three. She had an only child. It was just me and her with no buffer. There was no one else to provide distraction or blame. That’s not my house or my family and to be honest, I can’t enforce the silent treatment anyway. I’ve tried. I last about ten minutes before I break.
So what does that leave me with? I say it nicely, calmly the first time. I’ve revoked privileges and I’ve taken away prized toys when appropriate. I’ve yelled. What else is there? Because what I’m doing doesn’t seem to be working and at this rate I’m going to burn out before they even hit their teens and then I’m really screwed.
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That is funny and not at the same time. After I say it a million times I end up yelling and yelling curse words usually. Yeah I’m a scary mom. hehehehehehe
Burfica’s last blog post..I was tagged and I don’t mean spray painted!!!!
Yup, I’m a yeller as well. I hate it, but after saying the same thing over and over, I kind of lose my marbles.
jennielynn’s last blog post..The List of Doom
Dude, I swear to God you have just written a post about my family. I’m not proud of the fact that I yell, and I want to be all calm and gentle and reason with them, but I swear yelling is the only thing that registers at times. And yeah, what are we going to do when they are teens?
Missy’s last blog post..A belated birthday post
Oh you had one of those mothers also I see.and if that did not work,I got “wait until your father gets home”.than it was getting to the “seat”of the problem.yeh my parents were rough on me,but I turned out all right,as Dad once said.
mike golch’s last blog post..My neighborhood and other thoughts.
Selective hearing is epidemic in my house. How can you say “cookie” in a whisper, across the house, next to a running vacuum and they hear it immediately but shout 5 inches from their ear to move and you’re not even registering?
Meditation, lots and lots of deep breathing, screaming into a pillow in another room, and wine are a few of the things I rely on.
Summer’s last blog post..Playing Playing Playing
I am soooooooo glad this is happening in other homes across America BESIDES MINE! Sheesh, I thought it was me.
noble pig’s last blog post..What I Would Do With My Tax Refund…If I Were Getting One
I feel your pain. We are totally screwed when the teen years kick in.
Kellyology’s last blog post..Reader Appreciation Day 2008
Burfica, I’m guilty of the same thing.
Jennielynn, lord do I ever lose my marbles, and most if not all of my restraint!
Missy, I think when they reach their teenaged years we will all be drinking heavily.
Mike, I never got the “wait until your dad get’s home” because they were divorced, but besides, mom was the disciplinarian anyway and she exacted swift justice.
Summer, oh how I wish I liked wine…
Noble Pig, me too, lady. Me too.
Kellyology, maybe by then we will tune them out? Ack! I hope not. I’m hoping they will finally learn some responsibility from me pounding it into their heads. I know, I believe in the tooth fairy and santa claus too.
Oh, yes. SP is eleven. My vocal cords have, maybe, three good years left. After that I’m getting one of those things where you type in the words and IT can yell at the children.
buffi’s last blog post..I love a man in uniform
I did the “tell me what I just said” immediately following the first time I said a command. It seemed to work out pretty well. My problem? Follow up. Checking to be sure the command had been carried out.
OYVEY…most days I don’t think I was a good MaMa.
DeeJay’s last blog post..More Curtain / Chair Possibilities
Too funny! My mom would always say “THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I’M TELLING YOU TO_________” so often, that I didn’t think she meant it until the third time! Like she was just practicing or something. Go ahead! get the bull horn! maybe a little volume will do the trick!