We are struggling. Snoring Daddy and I both feel like things are just falling apart faster than we can repair them.

We don’t know when we will have anymore money coming. Husband is a freelance writer and it isn’t exactly stable, regular pay. It comes when it comes.

Mortgage is nearly due. No money.

Various bills due or overdue. No money.

Daughter’s impending fifth birthday on the 25th of this month. No money.

We already got our tax return and used it to pay other bills and buy groceries.

As if all this wasn’t enough anxiety inducing stress, our golden retriever had two seizures this morning. Both times our other big dog, Carter, attacked him in mid-seizure. It’s not Carter’s fault. It’s natural instinct when dogs sense weakness to attack–especially when taking into account pack mentality. Plus I think he was scared and was trying to get Darby to stop seizing.

I’m still not sure how extensive the wounds are, because Darby won’t come out from under the porch. And even if he would, I’m at a loss as to what to do for him.

We called the vet. Because he’s begun seizing again, we need to run blood work to check his levels and see what dosage we need to up his phenobarbital to. But we have no money. So no vet visit.

We have Carter inside now. He’ll be limited on his time outdoors until we are confident that Darby’s seizures are under control. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be that confident again. I’d bring Darby in instead but he hates being indoors–his medication makes him nervous.

Then to top all that off, my husband got a speeding ticket this afternoon. He was driving someone else’s pickup and apparently the speedometer is off. Apparently it’s off by ALOT. The highway patrolman either didn’t care or didn’t believe him.

Tomorrow we are going to the children’s hospital in Oklahoma City to see a neurologist about our six year old’s migraines. He’s been having them about every two weeks and while we think we know the trigger(s), the way things have been going, I’m terrified we will find out something truly horrible.

I’ve got a lovely headache now from all the crying and my eyes hurt. Yes, I’m a crier. I’m also a whiner and a bitcher and a moaner too.

I feel helpless. I want to help my husband by contributing to the household income but I’m in graduate school and we can’t afford anymore childcare than we already pay with our youngest’s preschool tuition three days a week (sometimes we can’t even afford that!) I’ve signed up to substitute teach two days a week (when the kids are all in school), but I won’t see a paycheck from that effort for at least another two months.

At this point, I’m feeling desparate enough, I’d totally sell sexual favors, if someone–other than my husband–wanted what I have to offer.

Don’t worry, that ain’t gonna happen. Nobody wants any of this. Instead, we are thinking about spending the 20 bucks in cash we have on Powerball tickets.

Anybody want in on that action? We can have a virtual lottery party although the logistics of collecting the money to buy the tickets. Ya’ll could totally trust me to share the winnings though. I swear.

I did my time in a cubicle and even if I hadn’t I can SO relate. Can I get an Amen?

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