We had a scare this weekend. A family member did something…and I’ve really hesitated to post it here because some of my family know about my blog and I have made it a policy not to talk about family in any way that might cause hard feelings or in anyway violate their privacy.


This is something that has been weighing on my heart all week and I need to share it, but I’ll have to do it in such a way that I won’t reveal who this person is or how I am related to them. Therefore details will be lacking, and I apologize, but I hope readers will understand why I have to handle this very sensitive topic as carefully as possible.


Someone my husband and I love tried to commit suicide last Friday night. This person is okay now, thanks to the quick action of another loved one and a friend. This person is getting the help they need and hopefully will follow through on the advice of their doctors and continue with therapy as well.


I’ve been holding back a lot of emotion throughout this week as our family went into crisis mode and I had school deadlines hanging over my head. Now I’m to a point where I have some breathing space and I cannot seem to shake the funk I find myself in. I see a similar emotional state in my husband. Now that the immediate crisis has been averted and we know that positive progress is being made I feel myself falling apart, feeling overwhelmed, and just so very sad.


Lately I have wondered if I should address mental health issues in this space more often, in more detail and with a broader scope than just my personal experience with my dad’s death. Hence the button in the left sidebar providing the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Mental disorders and health issues remain a dominate theme of my life and perhaps I should share more about my dad’s experience and struggle during his life. He once told me he wanted me to write his life story. Maybe I should, but if I do it won’t be quite what he had in mind.


I lost my father to mental illness. That loss has shadowed and colored my relationship with loved ones, food, goals, and myself. I’ve come to realize that even when my dad was alive his mental illness affected who I was and who I became but nothing about that illness affected me more than his death.


Now I am faced with a near tragedy again. It could have happened again…and if this person does not follow through with whatever their doctors require the danger remains. No, this person is not schizophrenic as my father was and perhaps feels my dad’s experience in no way compares to their’s. Yet, I have no way of even knowing if it was the schizophrenia (voices and delusions) or if it was depression that killed him. Either way his illness was the culprit.


Even today, in the twenty-first century, the stigma remains. The taboo regarding open discussion of mental disorders (and suicide) must stop. As long as the subject is viewed as a no-no, a downer, or a conversation killer, suicide will continue to kill 1 person every 16 minutes. For every person who dies by suicide there are 25 people who have attempted and survived. That’s an attempt every 39 seconds.*


While not all suicides are a result of mental illness, the National Institute of Mental Health states that “More than 90 percent of people who kill themselves have a diagnosable mental disorder, most commonly a depressive disorder or a substance abuse disorder”.


The current health system makes it difficult to get the help you need unless you have great health insurance (which I personally do not, do you?) or the financial wealth to pay for therapy and medication for yourself. How can anyone believe that the current health system is NOT broken? The first step in fixing the problem is to talk openly about it and the next is to demand more from the health system than what is currently offered.


So I’m starting a dialogue here. And the level of response and feedback I receive on this post will tell me exaclty how much further I should attempt to take this subject on this blog. How many of you reading this have ever lost a loved one to suicide or had a loved one unsuccessfully attempt to take their own life? How many of you have tried to take your own life?


Do you know anyone affected by a mental illness? Remember that depression and anxiety are mental disorders as are eating disorders and a myriad of other conditions. We aren’t just talking about schizophrenia, like my dad suffered from, or the bipolar disorder that so many people are diagnosed with including Britney Spears (finally an explanation for the erratic behavior). There are many mental disorders caused by either trauma, chemical, or hormonal imbalances. If you answered yes to any of the above, do you talk about it openly and how do you feel about talking about it?


*Suicide statistics found here.

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